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30 days of...day 16
Jan. 30th, 2011 09:30 pmI still have questions/photo requests to answer for day 15 but I'll come back to it as it's causing me a block when 30 days is supposed to relieve the same....
Share a song that represents your mood.
Inevitably, this is a Manics song. Today's choice is Love Torn Us Under.
( Lyrics below cut )
I've just had a week or so of not really sleeping, leaping out of bed full of beans in the morning, talking 10 to the dozen all day at work and generally bombing about. Yesterday I felt a change creeping in; I'd been woken by nightmares all night, physically I was aching and exhausted. Suddenly imbued with fear of loud noises and anxiety that makes you crawl into a ball; 'there's nothing nice in my head/the adult world took it all away'.
Last night the nightmares returned once more and I awoke with the absolute knowledge spending any time with people would ruin me; unfortunately I'm still living with my parents so whilst 'not seeing people' just meant staying in the flat with my phone turned off in Brighton, it now means staying in my bedroom and fending off shouted-through-the-door questions ("do want a tea?" "your washing is dry, are you going to fetch it in?" "do you want some of the pudding I made?") as politely and monosyllabically as is humanly possible to avoid raising any concerns which would lead to more interaction. How I long for a place of my own.
This week, I can tell you now, is going to be hell.
Have been trying to write more about how I feel and what I hope in terms of getting through it today/this week - and in the future - but after more than an hour of writing and deleting, I have to admit defeat. Thinking is - as I said on twitter earlier - like wading through treacle at the minute.
I need a job where I work on flexi-time so I can actually manage this stuff without being completely useless at work half the fucking time.
I just want to say 'help me!' but who that would be directed to, and what they would do about it is beyond me. Moreover, in a week or so, this will be over and I'll be back to 'normal'. Although how you define normal when normal usually means common and not one of my three states exists longer than another, I don't know.
Share a song that represents your mood.
Inevitably, this is a Manics song. Today's choice is Love Torn Us Under.
( Lyrics below cut )
I've just had a week or so of not really sleeping, leaping out of bed full of beans in the morning, talking 10 to the dozen all day at work and generally bombing about. Yesterday I felt a change creeping in; I'd been woken by nightmares all night, physically I was aching and exhausted. Suddenly imbued with fear of loud noises and anxiety that makes you crawl into a ball; 'there's nothing nice in my head/the adult world took it all away'.
Last night the nightmares returned once more and I awoke with the absolute knowledge spending any time with people would ruin me; unfortunately I'm still living with my parents so whilst 'not seeing people' just meant staying in the flat with my phone turned off in Brighton, it now means staying in my bedroom and fending off shouted-through-the-door questions ("do want a tea?" "your washing is dry, are you going to fetch it in?" "do you want some of the pudding I made?") as politely and monosyllabically as is humanly possible to avoid raising any concerns which would lead to more interaction. How I long for a place of my own.
This week, I can tell you now, is going to be hell.
Have been trying to write more about how I feel and what I hope in terms of getting through it today/this week - and in the future - but after more than an hour of writing and deleting, I have to admit defeat. Thinking is - as I said on twitter earlier - like wading through treacle at the minute.
I need a job where I work on flexi-time so I can actually manage this stuff without being completely useless at work half the fucking time.
I just want to say 'help me!' but who that would be directed to, and what they would do about it is beyond me. Moreover, in a week or so, this will be over and I'll be back to 'normal'. Although how you define normal when normal usually means common and not one of my three states exists longer than another, I don't know.
