A Good Place to Look to the Future is When You Are Sat at the Sea

...and the weather here is overcast and the sea is the same shade of grey

Today; the glorious return.

Getting on the train I felt very much torn - there is no place for me there now, and yet a little part of my heart shudders whenever I leave. I know a big part of the reluctance to leave was motivated by knowing I have to go back to work, back to that shop which is sapping my soul and which leaves me feeling exposed the moment I let the customer service façade slip.

As the train sped south the sun hung low in the sky making it impossible to gaze out of the window without squinting uncomfortably. It's hard not to read too much into that - being physically unable to look to my destination and the place I have assured myself my future lies.

Stepping off the train in Brighton I was not greeted by my normal rush of warm feelings and several hours later I still feel subdued. Of late I have been feeling more and more like I am being swept along to a place I did not imagine going to much less choose to see. I wonder if it's possible to stop the force which is propelling me or if this is simply how the working world runs - unstoppable, uninteresting, uninspiring.

This is fast becoming rather melancholy in tone so, given I have fulfilled my NaBloPoMo commitment for tonight, I will conclude there; with no more answers than I began with, and no more calm to face the day tomorrow with than I had this morning.