May. 20th, 2009

askygoneonfire: 'Love' painted on to four fingers of a hand (love hand)
Tonight I'm watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the first time on my own. It was a me and Ali film.

It is the ultimate heartbreak film, in my opinion. It shows love for what it is: dirty and painful and stupid and illogical but simultaneously beautiful and life changing and uplifting and rational.

I told [personal profile] beanheartbatman "it just shows love. That's what it is." after we saw it for the first time. She smiled and said she knew I'd say that.

The agony, the sheer agony of losing your life, your love, piece by's the same whether it's being ripped from your mind as it is from Joel's or when your long term relationship ends and your world shatters.

The perfect. It says everything: regrets, pain,, joy, belief.

The choice to do it all again, to be hurt again, to risk the same things with the same odds endlessly; the times I saw this with Ali I knew I'd make those choices too - do it all again. After we split, the pain and the anger made me sure I would not make that choice. But now? Maybe.

Because it's love isn't it? Exciting, blind, desperate, painful, beautiful, transformative, ugly, sharp-edged, soft, perfect, imperfect... A massive, agonising, exhilarating contradiction.

It's just love. And I'd chose it again.


askygoneonfire: Red and orange sunset over Hove (Default)
a sky gone on fire

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