(no subject)

[askygoneonfire]

I've been thinking a lot about what this journal is for, who it is for. Ultimately, I've carried on writing here for so long because it is productive for me to think things through writing. But writing doesn't need an audience.

Since livejournal died a death, 10+ years ago now, there's not been any new connections for me formed here. It doesn't feel like I have a community here - certainly there are some nice, kind, and often very friendly people who pass through and incline their virtual hat, give a wave...but I find too much of my writing is asking for an audience and aware of my audience.

This means I am no longer able to be entirely honest - I have chosen to present a heavily redacted version of breaking up with Teddy, for instance - and it means I feel adrift when people reappear on dw - sometimes for the first time in a decade - but don't engage, or do anything more than ask "is anyone here" and when they get a "yes" they disappear again. 

The opinions of strangers on a compacted, abstracted version of my life have become too important. I need to take space away from that and reevaluate whether I want or need to ask for that, why I am inviting that, and reorientate what I do here - or conclude it.

I plan to use this blog exclusively to write to myself in the coming weeks and see where I am. I will still be reading the handful of journals on my reading list, because I suspect those people have a better sense of why they are here and what they are looking for than I do.

Comments

[prophetsong]

Its a weird thing isn't it? I miss my journal but everytime I try to think about updating I get this paralysis around how long it's been and how would I start as it feels so bizarre to just launch back in which I guess is me also writing for the audience rather than myself.

[flexagon]

I've also been heavily aware of audience lately. Filters can help a lot if getting occasional responses is important but there are people you can't be, well, unfiltered with.

[catlover]

I really miss the community feeling we had on lj, i wish Facebook hadn’t killed it completely. Facebook is so superficial and quick skim only whereas on lj we all wrote in depth even if it was just to say what mundane crap we were doing. Then there were the actual community groups like the ladies loos, a wealth of advice, information and opinions which seems impossible to find on fb.

[belle_lu_1986]

I can also really echo all of what others have said. I know I pop up here once in a while then disappear. I try and post but then don't. I really miss Livejournal and all it brought. I do have some of the community stuff on facebook through a couple of local groups but it's not the same at all.
I do like reading your posts though, staying in the loop, but it does feel a little voyeuristic when i'm not writing myself.

[cybermule]

I'm sorry - I only just realised that I'd not subscribed to your journal, and so I missed loads. I'm coming back here because I need to offload a lot of emotional ticks, I think. Hopefully there's power in words to nail the little fuckers to the page.

[cybermule]

I'm sorry - I only just realised that I'd not subscribed to your journal, and so I missed loads. I'm coming back here because I need to offload a lot of emotional ticks, I think. Hopefully there's power in words to nail the little fuckers to the page.