28/52 - Anomaly
Jul. 12th, 2020 03:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
askygoneonfireContinuing with my twelve letter prompt, of housewarming, which this month brings me to 'a'.
I am going for "anomaly".
I had another week. More bad than good this time. Work was just too much and then it broke my head in the very specific way that happens sometimes but always catches me by surprise. I always consider this an anomaly. That this is exceptional.
It's not.
I want it to be. I want it to be a thing that does not happen. That is not part of me.
I feel like I need to believe in it being an anomaly and not a thing to be expected or accomodated in the ordinary run of my life. I'm not sure that's going to cut it because I end up feeling deep shame at it, as is.
Don't know. Don't know what to do with it. Don't think it can be avoided. Don't like when it happens. Don't like myself for it. Don't want it not to be an anomaly. Don't want to accept it. Don't want it accepted.
I am going for "anomaly".
I had another week. More bad than good this time. Work was just too much and then it broke my head in the very specific way that happens sometimes but always catches me by surprise. I always consider this an anomaly. That this is exceptional.
It's not.
I want it to be. I want it to be a thing that does not happen. That is not part of me.
I feel like I need to believe in it being an anomaly and not a thing to be expected or accomodated in the ordinary run of my life. I'm not sure that's going to cut it because I end up feeling deep shame at it, as is.
Don't know. Don't know what to do with it. Don't think it can be avoided. Don't like when it happens. Don't like myself for it. Don't want it not to be an anomaly. Don't want to accept it. Don't want it accepted.