21/52 - This Happened
May. 24th, 2020 09:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
askygoneonfireI've written around things on here a lot. I'm happy with that. This is a record for me of my life as much as it is a channel to communicate with others. Not everything needs to be here.
This weekly challenge I've set myself has come at an astonishing time; I've not felt so free to invest in relationships for a long time. I think blogging demands a degree of introspection which mirrors that investment. It's a year where I found that all the stuff I've allowed myself space to do - talk about feelings, tell people unequivocally that I care about them, accept it when people tell me that my care for them is appreciated - has never been more important. There's a circle here of thinking and reflecting. I was talking with a friend on Skype during our Tuesday pomodorro session, it was the day after her birthday and she asked me what being 35 was like, now she'd joined the club. We talked about how we have relationships (of all stripes) now. She remarked that we all - all the people we count amongst our mutual friends - have developed in that respect. I've know her for 8 years. It doesn't feel that long in life, but we've both changed a great deal. I'm very glad she's my friend. I like that we can talk about how the way we talk about emotions has changed. Just in itself that is such a huge change for both of us. We were both frosty as shit when we met.
Finding time to talk - talking about talking, even - has been wonderful. I feel like I've discovered something I hadn't realised I'd lost.
I've found someone else in all of this. Who is reading this. Who I just want to keep learning about and understanding better. And I keep finding so much time for them. And I want to make more time for them.
They notice things and ask questions that make me feel seen. I really hope I sometimes manage to do the same for them. It's a gift when someone can do that.
This hasn't happened for a while and it's really wonderful to follow that through, and see where it goes. I feel patient and greedy all at once. It's significant.
Lockdown makes it hard - I want to be with them in person and communicate in that extra layer that comes from physical interaction, movement, responses you can't translate to text. But lockdown has maybe also made it possible to be at this point. It's not a great consolation. But it is useful to remind myself of that. Whatever comes next; this happened. It's good.
This weekly challenge I've set myself has come at an astonishing time; I've not felt so free to invest in relationships for a long time. I think blogging demands a degree of introspection which mirrors that investment. It's a year where I found that all the stuff I've allowed myself space to do - talk about feelings, tell people unequivocally that I care about them, accept it when people tell me that my care for them is appreciated - has never been more important. There's a circle here of thinking and reflecting. I was talking with a friend on Skype during our Tuesday pomodorro session, it was the day after her birthday and she asked me what being 35 was like, now she'd joined the club. We talked about how we have relationships (of all stripes) now. She remarked that we all - all the people we count amongst our mutual friends - have developed in that respect. I've know her for 8 years. It doesn't feel that long in life, but we've both changed a great deal. I'm very glad she's my friend. I like that we can talk about how the way we talk about emotions has changed. Just in itself that is such a huge change for both of us. We were both frosty as shit when we met.
Finding time to talk - talking about talking, even - has been wonderful. I feel like I've discovered something I hadn't realised I'd lost.
I've found someone else in all of this. Who is reading this. Who I just want to keep learning about and understanding better. And I keep finding so much time for them. And I want to make more time for them.
They notice things and ask questions that make me feel seen. I really hope I sometimes manage to do the same for them. It's a gift when someone can do that.
This hasn't happened for a while and it's really wonderful to follow that through, and see where it goes. I feel patient and greedy all at once. It's significant.
Lockdown makes it hard - I want to be with them in person and communicate in that extra layer that comes from physical interaction, movement, responses you can't translate to text. But lockdown has maybe also made it possible to be at this point. It's not a great consolation. But it is useful to remind myself of that. Whatever comes next; this happened. It's good.