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askygoneonfireI was an invited guest on a podcast and featured in two episodes, spoke at the Houses of Commons to an All Party Parliamentary Group, I started a permanent academic job, I voted Labour for the first time (last few elections it's been Green for Caroline Lucas, before that I voted Lib Dem).
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
In 2019, I resolved to commit to one course of action or another over my career (keep hanging on in academia, or pick a new direction in private sector).
This was my guiding light in the first few months of the year - and I smashed in a load of applications and got the first job I was shortlisted for. In some ways, I have some regret I went in so bullheaded because I do wonder if toughing out the unknown at Goldsmiths until the summer might have resulted in me being offered at least another 1 year contract and perhaps managing to hang on in at the institution I loved. On the other hand last year I also said I wanted financial security and a clear route ahead in my career - which I do have now. We can only walk one road at a time - for better or worse.
For 2020 I intend to submit a funding bid by May, actively research locations I might want to live long term, actively look for job opportunities that will allow me to live in Brighton, and continually evaluate my priorities in life - including deciding if there is a different career path I can take which means I can prioritise where I live over my job.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yep, my BFF had a baby with the amazing middle name of Apollo (which meant he was known as 'Baby Rocket' for some months).
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Manics friend David passed away after a short illness. He died at the end of last year, after I'd written this round up. I missed him at both the Manics gigs I went to this year - although I met a friend of his at one gig, wearing a t-shirt with his face on so he could be there, and that seemed pretty cool.
5. What countries did you visit?
Wales! Thank god for Wales, always saves me on this. I was too stressed, financially stretched, and scared by Brexit to book a holiday this year and I regret it - but I also haven't taken any action to make 2020 any different. With more UCU strikes ahead in the coming months, and possibly having to move house again I really don't see a foreign holiday in my future. My planned conference attendance for 2020 is in Birmingham which, whilst nice, is not going to get me a free holiday.
6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
Balance. 2019 has felt like a very fraught year - both in big terms with political shifts, but also personally with my big move, new job, health niggles, and more. I would really like a bit more equilibrium and a sense that some of the hard choices I feel I made in 2019 are paying off in some way. I feel like I sacrificed a lot in 2019 in search of the financial/job security I needed, and perhaps lost too much.
7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
14th August - the day I left Brighton (again).
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting a permanent academic job. Thrashing out a bit of a social network in Southampton
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not submitting my cocking funding bid.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Moving to Southampton was a weird line in the sand for my body - presumably stress had some hand in this - and I developed B12 anaemia, iron anaemia, alopecia, and a bunch of other associated issues. It was a doubly miserable few months when I started new job and slogged through the brain fog and physical fatigue caused by this. I am now solid on the B12, working on the iron, and have a strategy of things to try for the alopecia. It's knocked my confidence enormously - although mercifully it doesn't appear there's anything sinister behind the B12 thing or the alopecia, just bad luck - and I feel a bit estranged from my body.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new table for my new flat - it's a lovely sculptural but also traditional thing from John Lewis.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My Brighton people who all pitched in for a series of goodbye things when I left, and then variously slogged over to visit me in Southampton and/or came for my annual Christmas party at the beginning of December and made me feel at home for the first time.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
On a personal note, my new landlord who decided to sell my flat 4 months after I moved in and I am now living with the shadow of possible [no fault] eviction in March. On a bigger scale the majority of the Tory party whose lies and callousness deepened and then meant they somehow won an election.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Furniture for new flat. Record player I've wanted for about 3 years but didn't have anywhere to house.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Little things of life - sea swimming, trips to Brighton after I moved, doing a silent disco tour during the Brighton Fringe, meeting my new nibling and spending time with him and his sister at different times in the year.
16. What song will always remind you of 2019?
Firesmoke by Kate Tempest for that line about Lewisham Way, and first hearing that song whilst sitting in my office in a building on Lewisham Way.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Sadder
ii. Thinner or fatter? Fatter. Put on a surprising amount of weight since September simply for having a lower daily step count and doing one hour less exercise a week. Trying to be kind to my body given all the upheaval and illness this year though and going to make some sort of selection in the new year about a one-hour-a-week exercise I am going to commit to.
iii. Richer or poorer? Richer but not by much thanks to strike in the last month, and moving house costs making my savings stutter rather than grow.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Like last year; writing. I put lots of needed writing (book, articles, bid) off for impossibly long periods of time and I regret it. I had a lot of emotion and anxiety tied up in my writing this year and that's definitely caused me to procrastinate.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Shouting. I don't do well with stress and I struggle to manage it. I've ended up yelling down the phone at my largely-blameless parents a lot this year.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent. Rather than my now traditional-ish trip abroad, I spend roughly the same amount on a 3 night stay in Brighton at a hotel which ended up having no hot water and no keys to the rooms - which I had to complain about before anything was offered and I did at least get a 50% refund. I am not sure what I have done to anger the holiday gods but...I had a wonderful time visiting people in Brighton and it was a brilliant stay. I wish I'd had another day there. Then to my parents from 22nd-30th; Dull, dull, dull. Miserable, grumpy, bored.
21. Did you fall in love in 2019?
Not a chance
22. How many one-night stands?
One-ish; after a date but then didn't date again. And then an almost with someone who preferred we date first instead but that went nowhere and she got shirty with me when I said I wasn't feeling it.
23. What was your favourite TV program?
Great year for TV again; Star Trek Discover s.2 was AMAZING, end of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt was perfect, Years and Years got everyone talking and thinking (if only it had been on closer to the election?), Killing Eve, The Good Place, I watched The People versus OJ Simpson this year and that was great, Fleabag, Good Omens, Russian Doll, Catastrophe, Seven Worlds One Planet was great but emotionally ruinous for it's (appropriate and timely and proportionate) focus on climate change.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I vaguely hate my line manager for being not great at what they do. But that's not really hate, hate. Just frustration and disappointment.
25. What was the best book you read?
Made it to 25 books again this year, Record of a Spaceborn Few by Becky Chambers was the runaway winner, but it wasn't a red letter year for my book choices. I got 5 books for Xmas, and bought another 4 in the kindle sale so I have got a lot to get on with and I am going to try and set time aside for reading now I'm not commuting anymore; I definitely get more out of books than I do the amount of mindless (i.e. not the stuff from q.23) shit I watch on tv and I would do well to remember that.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I really love Kate Tempest and that she sort of challenges me a bit with her style. I asked for her most recent album for Christmas but didn't get it so will grab a copy after payday.
27. What did you want and get?
Financial security
28. What did you want and not get?
Life in Brighton
29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Booksmart; it captures that moment in life so well, has a compassionate view of teens whilst acknowledging the mindless ways they are cruel, and has the perfect balance of nostalgia. I also really bloody loved Rocketman, and Little Women. I saw Paddington 2 for the first time this year and was absolutely delighted by it.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 35. I invited everyone I'd met so far in Southampton, and all of my colleagues, to the pub. 3 people came and arrived 30 mins late so it was a bit bleak. The weekend before my birthday I went to Brighton and went out for dinner with some people, swam in the sea, and generally topped up my energy meter.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having my cake and eating it too (job and Brighton)
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
Cautiously maturing. I splashed out on a few more things to wear for work, started feeling a bit more intentional in what I was wearing - something facilitated by living 15 mins walk from work and being able to dress for work, rather than for a 3 hour+ commute/trek during winter.
33. What kept you sane?
Trips home to Brighton and kind friends who offer an ear and chat on Whatsapp to keep me company as I try and find my people in Southampton
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
David Tennant. Some exceptional spank bank material from Good Omens.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
I cried at the election result, so easily that - and all the connected issues that made me cry at prospect of another 5 years of this.
36. Who did you miss?
Everyone in Brighton. Brighton.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
I'm not sure if these people will be long term people, but a woman from a lesbian Meetup group I went to has been amazing at including me and being kind and welcoming, and a couple of women from a Social Meetup group who I enjoy the company of and who again have gone out of their way to include me.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019:
Sometimes the only way to find out what you really want is to give it up.
39. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with and/or most time chatting with via Whatsapp etc?:
My parents I should think. Most time chatting with is likely a 5 way tie with a few Brighton people.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: