(no subject)

[askygoneonfire]

 You know sometimes how you're so tired and so overworked and so anxious about the endless list of stuff you just have to keep in your head and keep moving forward on even though progress is so small it's like you're not moving at all?

And how "sometimes" is "all the time"?

Is this just how everyone feels? Or is this quite particular to having a really demanding job, a brain that sometimes runs on empty, and being really fucking single in a constellation of friends who have partners to share these burdens with?

I feel like I'm a zombie in my own life sometimes, I really do. Stumbling on and on.

I genuinely thought "well thank god for that, an end date" when I saw this headline

Comments

[lilysea]

You know sometimes how you're so tired and so overworked and so anxious about the endless list of stuff you just have to keep in your head and keep moving forward on even though progress is so small it's like you're not moving at all?

And how "sometimes" is "all the time"?

I feel like this.

I have a partner, but I also have several chronic physical illnesses that make showering so exhausting I can only manage it every 14 days or every 30 days, and that leaving my house, even with my power wheelchair, is an epic quest.

I do 0 hours of paid work a week, but I struggle to keep up with basic self-care and housework, let alone medical appointments.

Some days even getting up out of the armchair and walking to the toilet feels like climbing Mount Everest.

And I keep not seeing films that I want to see because getting to the cinema is too exhausting.

[rmc28]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.

I feel like it sometimes (full-time job, two children both with special educational needs, spouse with anxiety and depression, three or four chronic conditions of my own depending how I count it). My job is at least only moderately demanding: there's too much to do but I'm good at it, and my line management is solid on not working excessive hours. So I "just" have to prioritise my too-much-to-do to make the best use of the time I have.

Organisations, and especially academia, are bad for eating you alive and assuming your "above and beyond" is completely normal and of course you can keep doing it forever.

Not sure if you want some specific suggestions or just some sympathetic listening: but you're not alone in feeling this way, but it's also not okay or a good thing or something you just have to put up with.

[askygoneonfire]

Hey, thanks for this.

but you're not alone in feeling this way, but it's also not okay or a good thing or something you just have to put up with.
I keep telling myself this and also evaluating what I'm putting up with versus what other options there are (a great big gulf of nothing in particular but a range of things I *could* do) but I also keep monitoring the state of academia more generally. It's unlikely to remain tenable long term.

So I "just" have to prioritise my too-much-to-do to make the best use of the time I have.
This was oddly revelatory. I can't do it all. There isn't a magic arrangement where I can make it all work. So i just need to do the best I can with the time I have. And I need to be a bit more confident and active in evaluating/prioritising. It's so helpful to hear how other people do this whilst also feeling the same sense of overwhelmed