Where do you run?
Nov. 8th, 2009 07:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
askygoneonfireWhen you have a shit day, when someone craps on your endeavour, when you are too tired to think straight, when your very last nerve has been agitated into oblivion, where do you go?
There's that point, growing up, where you realise you don't need to go to your parents for that reassurance any more. You begin crafting a way, or multiple ways, to deal with what life is throwing at you. You learn to do it alone. You learn to manage that rage/fear/confusion/exhaustion/frustration.
I always believed that shift would be something which remained in flux, it would continue to develop and by my mid twenties I would have an entirely new place to crawl on days like this.
Weirdly, as I sat on the bus, impatient to be home, I could only think of one thing - a cup of tea and sitting with my laptop listening to dark indie music. I might even, I mused, have a crafty cigarette out of my bedroom window and save myself the chilling experience which is going outside and dragging down a cig whilst standing on the front steps.
Then it struck me - I have been combatting bad days in exactly the same way since I was 15 or 16. Have I simply found the world's greatest way to unwind or am I hopelessly trapped in teenage introspection?
Is run even the right word in this context? Should I be fleeing the world in order to cleanse myself of the day or should I be confronting it?
It never ceases to surprise me how much of who I am now is directly influenced by who I became as a teenager. The distinction between adult and teen is perhaps much less well defined than it is generally believed to be. The question which rears its head at the end of these reflections is this; should I go the whole hog and start drinking cider in the park again?.....!
Not everything means something.
There's that point, growing up, where you realise you don't need to go to your parents for that reassurance any more. You begin crafting a way, or multiple ways, to deal with what life is throwing at you. You learn to do it alone. You learn to manage that rage/fear/confusion/exhaustion/frustration.
I always believed that shift would be something which remained in flux, it would continue to develop and by my mid twenties I would have an entirely new place to crawl on days like this.
Weirdly, as I sat on the bus, impatient to be home, I could only think of one thing - a cup of tea and sitting with my laptop listening to dark indie music. I might even, I mused, have a crafty cigarette out of my bedroom window and save myself the chilling experience which is going outside and dragging down a cig whilst standing on the front steps.
Then it struck me - I have been combatting bad days in exactly the same way since I was 15 or 16. Have I simply found the world's greatest way to unwind or am I hopelessly trapped in teenage introspection?
Is run even the right word in this context? Should I be fleeing the world in order to cleanse myself of the day or should I be confronting it?
It never ceases to surprise me how much of who I am now is directly influenced by who I became as a teenager. The distinction between adult and teen is perhaps much less well defined than it is generally believed to be. The question which rears its head at the end of these reflections is this; should I go the whole hog and start drinking cider in the park again?.....!
Not everything means something.
