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20/52 - Empathy
May. 17th, 2020 07:59 pmToday I'm using the fifth letter from my 12 letter word prompt of "housewarming". I have chosen 'e' and empathy.
This is a little unformed. I'm ok with that. Writing about emotion is slippery.
I have been thinking a lot about empathy recently.
In the last few years I've taken on a senior pastoral role at work which involves supporting and signposting-on students experiencing a range of different challenges. Empathy played a curious role in this; my ease with which I could express empathy for students in difficulty was part of why I had been noticed as a member of the department who could take on that role formally, and it also became a burden; seeing a parade of students in a weekly office hour who are experiencing a huge range of difficulties, and often being the first person they have spoken to about it, was draining.
Fortunately, previous employer decided to offer all student-facing staff Mental Health First Aid training which gave me reassurance I was doing and saying the right things, and some tools to manage my own emotional response to students' emotions: including ways of telling students I was moved by what they were telling me without accidentally becoming a mirror or amplifier of their emotions.
Since the virus rampaged through all our lives I've found I need to draw back from offering/experiencing empathy. It's made me realise that empathy is, to an extent, a choice. We can open the door to allow for moments of empathy, and when necessary you can draw back and work on the functional level (as I have been doing with my students recently - I don't feel positive about how well I am supporting them right now but...)
Today then, was a surprise. In response to speaking with one friend today, and hearing the sad news of another, I was overwhelmed by the strength of my emotional response. I'm glad, of course, that I still have that capacity (corona is strange for making me worry I am deeply changing on a social level) and remain emotionally open enough to people in my personal life that this can happen. But it also confirmed for me I am making the right decision in protecting myself a little from that emotional labour at work during these times, when my reserves are at a lower ebb, and allowing other more senior and/or long serving colleagues to take on the lion share of that work.
It is interesting to reflect - and reflecting is all I'm doing today - on how and what I need to refill my reserves of emotional energy, and also perhaps question to what degree the availability of my empathy, and subsequent emotion work and emotional labour I do at work, contributes to how burned out I feel. How can I better balance that? And how can I ensure that in coronatimes I am able to recharge and be properly, fully available for my friends? I want, need to be there for them, and I see more than ever how circular these connections of in-out-in-out emotional exchange and sharing are.
This is a little unformed. I'm ok with that. Writing about emotion is slippery.
I have been thinking a lot about empathy recently.
In the last few years I've taken on a senior pastoral role at work which involves supporting and signposting-on students experiencing a range of different challenges. Empathy played a curious role in this; my ease with which I could express empathy for students in difficulty was part of why I had been noticed as a member of the department who could take on that role formally, and it also became a burden; seeing a parade of students in a weekly office hour who are experiencing a huge range of difficulties, and often being the first person they have spoken to about it, was draining.
Fortunately, previous employer decided to offer all student-facing staff Mental Health First Aid training which gave me reassurance I was doing and saying the right things, and some tools to manage my own emotional response to students' emotions: including ways of telling students I was moved by what they were telling me without accidentally becoming a mirror or amplifier of their emotions.
Since the virus rampaged through all our lives I've found I need to draw back from offering/experiencing empathy. It's made me realise that empathy is, to an extent, a choice. We can open the door to allow for moments of empathy, and when necessary you can draw back and work on the functional level (as I have been doing with my students recently - I don't feel positive about how well I am supporting them right now but...)
Today then, was a surprise. In response to speaking with one friend today, and hearing the sad news of another, I was overwhelmed by the strength of my emotional response. I'm glad, of course, that I still have that capacity (corona is strange for making me worry I am deeply changing on a social level) and remain emotionally open enough to people in my personal life that this can happen. But it also confirmed for me I am making the right decision in protecting myself a little from that emotional labour at work during these times, when my reserves are at a lower ebb, and allowing other more senior and/or long serving colleagues to take on the lion share of that work.
It is interesting to reflect - and reflecting is all I'm doing today - on how and what I need to refill my reserves of emotional energy, and also perhaps question to what degree the availability of my empathy, and subsequent emotion work and emotional labour I do at work, contributes to how burned out I feel. How can I better balance that? And how can I ensure that in coronatimes I am able to recharge and be properly, fully available for my friends? I want, need to be there for them, and I see more than ever how circular these connections of in-out-in-out emotional exchange and sharing are.