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Blacks and Yellows
Jun. 14th, 2012 10:53 pm Sometimes, in the depths of the blacks - blacks like the one I'm going through right now, triggered by the loss of my gorgeous little rat boy Nico yesterday - a memory pops up.
A bright, shining, yellow memory. And it's so vivid, and beautiful and warm that you cry for the joy and loss and greatness and passing of such a perfect moment.
Stumbling up to the results board in Bowland, through an almighty hangover. Avoiding eye contact. Scanning frantically down the results board. Seeing my name in the 2:1, not believing it. Checking again, and again. Bursting into tears - surprising myself at such a reaction. Stumbling about getting hugs from course-mates. Eating strawberries. Calling Ali in tears and joy. Going home - getting into bed to sleep off the hangover. Perfect contentment.
It's a little gift from deep in my mind, I think, to make up for the usual 'kicking me in the teeth' act.
And it sometimes gives way to happy memories of the thing that is causing you pain right now - like Nico bruxing, and all the times I chatted to him and called him pickle, and all the times he nibbled my nose and chased my toes.
A bright, shining, yellow memory. And it's so vivid, and beautiful and warm that you cry for the joy and loss and greatness and passing of such a perfect moment.
Stumbling up to the results board in Bowland, through an almighty hangover. Avoiding eye contact. Scanning frantically down the results board. Seeing my name in the 2:1, not believing it. Checking again, and again. Bursting into tears - surprising myself at such a reaction. Stumbling about getting hugs from course-mates. Eating strawberries. Calling Ali in tears and joy. Going home - getting into bed to sleep off the hangover. Perfect contentment.
It's a little gift from deep in my mind, I think, to make up for the usual 'kicking me in the teeth' act.
And it sometimes gives way to happy memories of the thing that is causing you pain right now - like Nico bruxing, and all the times I chatted to him and called him pickle, and all the times he nibbled my nose and chased my toes.