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There are no words
Nov. 9th, 2009 03:02 pmMy rat, my other rat,Dangerous Beans, the one who climbed into my hood and licked my hair when I got home in floods of tears at 2am on the morning of the 1st November after making the decision to have her sister, Hampork, put to sleep had to follow Hampork today.
On Thursday night I took her to the vets for what I thought was conjuncitivitus, the vet said it wasn't but that her breathing was raspy and she may have an infection and I took her home with some antibiotics to give twice daily. On Saturday night I scrutinised her face as in a glance it looked a little swollen, couldn't see anything much so concluded it was just a trick of the light. Last night she had a very clear and very large swelling on her jaw. It looked and felt exactly like the abscesses which Hampork had had.
I took her to the vets this morning. The vet said, given her sister's history and the fact she has got worse since being on antibiotics meant there was nothing to be done. He proposed she was put to sleep immediately, before she began to suffer.
I have to do the very best for my girls. Heartbreaking as it is to see her go from healthy to....that in the space of a few days, it was the right decision.
Of course, none of that makes it any easier. I got home to an empty cage. I have nobody to cuddle, nobody to give me little rat kisses and chirp in my ear. I have nobody to grieve with. I have no warm furry welcome when I get home at night. Nobody to fall asleep on my tummy as we watch tv and squeak grumpily at me when I move to get a drink or go to the loo.
This has been one of the worst years of my life. Everything fell apart utterly on November the 28th last year and it's been one thing after another since then. But through it all I've had the unconditional and absolute love of my two little ratties. And now they are gone.
I can't imagine how things could get worse. Form suggests that, somehow, they will.
On Thursday night I took her to the vets for what I thought was conjuncitivitus, the vet said it wasn't but that her breathing was raspy and she may have an infection and I took her home with some antibiotics to give twice daily. On Saturday night I scrutinised her face as in a glance it looked a little swollen, couldn't see anything much so concluded it was just a trick of the light. Last night she had a very clear and very large swelling on her jaw. It looked and felt exactly like the abscesses which Hampork had had.
I took her to the vets this morning. The vet said, given her sister's history and the fact she has got worse since being on antibiotics meant there was nothing to be done. He proposed she was put to sleep immediately, before she began to suffer.
I have to do the very best for my girls. Heartbreaking as it is to see her go from healthy to....that in the space of a few days, it was the right decision.
Of course, none of that makes it any easier. I got home to an empty cage. I have nobody to cuddle, nobody to give me little rat kisses and chirp in my ear. I have nobody to grieve with. I have no warm furry welcome when I get home at night. Nobody to fall asleep on my tummy as we watch tv and squeak grumpily at me when I move to get a drink or go to the loo.
This has been one of the worst years of my life. Everything fell apart utterly on November the 28th last year and it's been one thing after another since then. But through it all I've had the unconditional and absolute love of my two little ratties. And now they are gone.
I can't imagine how things could get worse. Form suggests that, somehow, they will.
