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Nov. 18th, 2009 11:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
askygoneonfireMan I'm tired.
Second day back at work after my epic week's holiday and I'm done in.
NaBloPoMo is beginning to feel like hard work. I simply haven't found time to think about the what I want to put out into the world
I will, therefore, be brief. It's harder to make friends than find someone to fuck, or even to date. Indeed it's so much harder that for the majority of new people I have met in the last year, I have had to work backwards from that position; with an even spread of it being me or them who is left feeling vaguely little disappointed.
It seems to me that we are all so desperate to be loved, so desperate to be indispensable to someone else's life that we assess every new person we meet in those terms: are they my next conquest? Could I fall in love with them? Would they make me the centre of their world? As a result we end up viewing friendship as a poor second place.
One of the hardest things about coming out of a long term relationship and back into the world is that you have to rebuild your identity, social life and home around the notion of being single. And the only way you can do that is with friends. Yet we do not search for friends, we search for a replacement for what we have lost, we look to leap back in and absolve our pain by assuring ourselves we are not just worthy of love, but entitled to it.
Whilst this seems instinctive, I suspect it is more self protective, because the road through heartbreak is a damn site harder to navigate when you do it alone, waylaid by lovely but completely ill-matched prospective partners whom you must sort through to find the one night stands, the life long friends and hopefully, finally, the new beau.
Then again, I've had quite a lot of schnapps and I might be talking out of my arse. Who knows.
Second day back at work after my epic week's holiday and I'm done in.
NaBloPoMo is beginning to feel like hard work. I simply haven't found time to think about the what I want to put out into the world
I will, therefore, be brief. It's harder to make friends than find someone to fuck, or even to date. Indeed it's so much harder that for the majority of new people I have met in the last year, I have had to work backwards from that position; with an even spread of it being me or them who is left feeling vaguely little disappointed.
It seems to me that we are all so desperate to be loved, so desperate to be indispensable to someone else's life that we assess every new person we meet in those terms: are they my next conquest? Could I fall in love with them? Would they make me the centre of their world? As a result we end up viewing friendship as a poor second place.
One of the hardest things about coming out of a long term relationship and back into the world is that you have to rebuild your identity, social life and home around the notion of being single. And the only way you can do that is with friends. Yet we do not search for friends, we search for a replacement for what we have lost, we look to leap back in and absolve our pain by assuring ourselves we are not just worthy of love, but entitled to it.
Whilst this seems instinctive, I suspect it is more self protective, because the road through heartbreak is a damn site harder to navigate when you do it alone, waylaid by lovely but completely ill-matched prospective partners whom you must sort through to find the one night stands, the life long friends and hopefully, finally, the new beau.
Then again, I've had quite a lot of schnapps and I might be talking out of my arse. Who knows.
