askygoneonfire | My girls, my family. (Reply)

I've decided to blog everyday for a month in celebration of my paid account time here on Dreamwidth. Given how prolific I have been over the years on LiveJournal and various other sites it seems absurd that I am sitting here, on [my] day 1, completely without inspiration. Perhaps this is just the reason I need to begin blogging regularly - writing and creating is something that must be done daily lest the intellectual muscles required begin to atrophy. The fact that sentence took me 15 minutes to write and I'm still not happy with it should serve as evidence enough.

Right now the biggest thing in my life is my rats. It's hard to imagine a sentence that would make me sound more like a lesbian spinster. Nonetheless, it's the truth. I've had them since they were 6 weeks old when both of them fit in the palm of my hand - or they would have done if they'd stay still for long enough. We named them after two male rats from Terry Pratchett's Maurice and His Educated Rodents, a few months later we discovered they were girls but the names fit far better than we could have hoped - Hampork was, like her namesake, fond of running headlong into situations without much thought beforehand which were likely to result in injury . Dangerous Beans is much more considered, sitting back and planning before acting, fully capable of puzzling out the most complex of barriers between her and chocolate.

These two little rats have been constants in my life her in Brighton through the most life changing of events. They provide focus and motivation for me even in my blackest depressions and celebrate the energy of my manias with me; running around the flat and playing endless wrestling games. They are there every day and every night, they welcome me home and sulk when I leave. They love unconditionally.

For these reasons, and many more which should be obvious to anyone who has ever loved a pet, I spent more than my monthly salary on Hampork's veterinary treatment over the course of 9 weeks or so. Sadly the infection she had was antibiotic resistant and despite attacking it with a plethora of antibiotics, nothing worked and on Saturday night I had to take her to the emergency vet where we - the vet and I - concluded her suffering had become unbearable and that it was time to euthanise her. In flood of tears I said goodbye and took a taxi home where I sobbed into Dangerous' fur and told her the news.

What it comes down to is this; these little girls, my little rats - they are my family. I'm nearly 200 miles away from any blood relatives and after the dissolution of my 5 year romantic relationship last year I am a singleton. We make families wherever we make our home - I'm never sure of cause and effect in that binary, perhaps we make home wherever we find a family. Whichever it is, I made one in Brighton - family or home or both - and whilst friends inevitably compose a large part of the connection I have to this city, it is the rats - or, as it stands now, rat - which give me both the responsibility and consistency in my daily life.

It is the minutiae of life which seem to shape us the most - the capacity to keep up with the numerous small but essential requirements, the way we respond to challenges to those well trodden ways, the ability to prioritise essential over every other demand life places at our door.

Dangerous and I remain a family. And I remain here for her even if I can't stay for me, or you or anyone else. It's about more than just owning a rat.