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I worked out the other day I was overdue a particularly severe low. I took action; finally pulled my finger out after a year and registered with university Student Support as having a classifiable disability which could hamper my ability to work. And then I crossed my fingers, and put it out of my mind.
But here it is. Like a late running train - always on its way, always just around the corner, and finally, this weekend, rounding the last bend into the station.
Posted on twitter I felt like I was at the top of a rollercoaster, looking down the drop, teetering on the edge, inevitably going to drop. It happened. Down I fell.
Down I fall.
Go to bed each night hoping tomorrow is the day I wake up feeling fine. Have a few glorious moments between sleep and waking thinking 'this is it, today is the day! I feel better' but then it crushes down on me.
Found a taste for booze having not touched a drop or craved a sip for weeks. Get home, drink until I can fall asleep, wake from nightmares all night long, get up exhausted, drag myself to my desk to work, cry into the keyboard. Repeat.
I went in to uni for the first time in 5 days today as I had a course to attend. Met some friends for lunch. Had to excuse myself quickly when I nearly began crying when one of them expressed sympathy and sadness at how tired - exhausted - I looked. When people can see something is wrong by looking at me then it's a particularly bad low.
Manics providing comfort, solstice, a place to run. Second half of Know Your Enemy and This is My Truth the go to places today. Comfort comes.
But here it is. Like a late running train - always on its way, always just around the corner, and finally, this weekend, rounding the last bend into the station.
Posted on twitter I felt like I was at the top of a rollercoaster, looking down the drop, teetering on the edge, inevitably going to drop. It happened. Down I fell.
Down I fall.
Go to bed each night hoping tomorrow is the day I wake up feeling fine. Have a few glorious moments between sleep and waking thinking 'this is it, today is the day! I feel better' but then it crushes down on me.
Found a taste for booze having not touched a drop or craved a sip for weeks. Get home, drink until I can fall asleep, wake from nightmares all night long, get up exhausted, drag myself to my desk to work, cry into the keyboard. Repeat.
I went in to uni for the first time in 5 days today as I had a course to attend. Met some friends for lunch. Had to excuse myself quickly when I nearly began crying when one of them expressed sympathy and sadness at how tired - exhausted - I looked. When people can see something is wrong by looking at me then it's a particularly bad low.
Manics providing comfort, solstice, a place to run. Second half of Know Your Enemy and This is My Truth the go to places today. Comfort comes.